The whole morning was wasted reading one newspaper after another, and when I had enough of them, I simply lay down, doing nothing, body was resting but mind was not. Then I got up, restlessly moved around the house, not deciding what to do.
When it's time for lunch, I headed to the eatery and had my lunch, still feeling bored.
After lunch, I was back to the office. Today was one of those quiet days when you don't really get a lot of customers. I sat in front of the computer, blog hopping from one to another, without a specific aim. Then going to online newspapers, and click through the news one by one without really reading. By 2:00pm, I had not done anything worthwhile yet, and I already had a few rounds of online Jigsaw puzzle. I tried not to go to facebook, or else I would stuck there. So, I walk aimlessly around the office, with no walk-in-customers to serve, no cheques to write or sign, no emails that needed to reply, no new ideas popped up in my mind, I pronouced that I had "no motivation" today!
It was like a candle light that is becoming dim and going to die off very soon. It was like going in to the darkest moment of my life, or like the whole body diving down the cliff, going down, and going down, and the worst part was, the thought of which I was aware of the whole situation but not intend to do anything about it really scared me. I felt hopeless and didn't want to move an inch. I was wasting my time away, bits by bits, minutes by minutes, second by second. As if I was seeing the time flying by, and I was letting it go without doing anything to stop it. I was waiting, and was not sure what I was waiting for? I was wasting, wasting my energy and time away. I was really scared.
I think I killed my self-discipline today.
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